Marlins Catcher Ronny Paulino Suspended for Taking Diet Pills, Allegedly

Marlins catcher Ronny Paulino is not exactly the slimmest slugger on the roster. Like a trophy housewife he often struggles with his weight, and decided to take the easy way out and get some pharmaceutical help. That's his story anyway. Paulino claims the weight loss pills led to his positive test for performance enhancing drugs which will see him suspended for the rest of the season.

Starting with tonight's game against the Astros. Paulino will be suspended for 50 games. The MLB will not release the name of the drug which set off the positive result, but Pualino claims it was the weight-loss supplement.

"To control my weight this season, I used a dietary pill," Paulino said in a statement. "Regretfully, I recently learned that the dietary pill contained a substance banned under Major League Baseball's drug policy. I am ashamed and saddened for disappointing and distracting my family, my teammates, the entire Florida Marlins organization and baseball fans. My heartfelt and most sincere apology.

Indeed. When reached by phone, Steve, identified last week by The Onion as the Marlin's only fan, expressed mild appointment.

Paulino is only the second player this season to be banned for 50 games under the MLB's drug policy. Maybe with the time off he can hop on a treadmill so he won't have to resort to banned substances next season.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Kyle Munzenrieder