Supremely bizarre baseball slugger-- and South Florida resident-- Manny Ramirez has had a long road back to the game. He abruptly retired from the Tampa Bay Rays in 2011 after testing positive for performance-enhancing drugs. He was arrested for allegedly battering his wife in their Weston home.
Then he decided to try to make it back to the bigs, did aqua aerobics with abuelitas at a local pool, and got signed by the Oakland Athletics.
He's joining the A's minor league team on Friday, and the major league squad on May 30-- upon the completion of his suspension.
Manny's back! And his dusty official website is a nice refresher course on how weird he is. Let's take a look-see, shall we?
It's all gold, from the hugely dramatic Dodgers-centric intro-- Manny last played for them in 2010-- to the photos of his French bulldog Rocky Ramirez to the video game where you shoot baseballs at aliens under a "Mannywood" sign, which is like having a telescope into Manny's brain. He even sells "Mannywood" t-shirts for $14.95 to $19.95.
But our favorite part of the site is Manny's "Frequently Asked Questions".
He starts out relatively normal, even if he doesn't stick to the question format:
Favorite Foods = Sushi & Latin Food
Favorite Movie = Matrix
He reveals a Japanese fetish:
What is your favorite Cartoon? Anything Japanese Anime! I have over 200 DVD's of Anime.
What do you want to do after baseball? I want to travel to Europe and I'd like to live in Japan.
And he gets angry when the mystery questioner keeps baiting him with offensive food questions:
Do you have a sweet tooth? No!
Do you need your coffee in the morning? I do not like Coffee
Our question: Can these really be the questions Manny is so sick of hearing that he had to put them on his website? If we had a chance to hurl a few queries at Manny-- believe us, we've tried-- we'd probably start with the juicing stuff, and ask him about his illogical retirement that forced him to now serve his suspension, and whether he was not actually peeing in the Green Monster, but smoking a joint in there as a friend of mine always suggests.
Then we would ask Manny if he loves old cars.
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.