| Sports |

Linsanity Comes to Miami: Six Rules For Heat Fans to Avoid Being Horribly Racist

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

​Tomorrow night, the New York Knicks-- led by Asian American Harvard Grad™ Jeremy Lin-- come to Miami to take on the Heat. Lin's quick rise to prominence hasn't exactly brought out the best in America. Fox's Jason Whitlock made that penis size joke. ESPN had the "Chink in the Armor" headline. Then there have been the racist signs at games, and of course, the newspaper puns.

When this carnival of our own ignorance comes to Miami, we get a little worried. Anybody who's ever been in the bleachers at a Marlins game when the opposing team fields a Japanese pitcher knows that we can be some openly racist freaks when we wanna.

That's why, for this game only, we're endorsing adding these simple provisions to the "Terms and Conditions" of tickets to Thursday night's game. We don't want to end up on Sportscenter for all the wrong reasons.


Bodily Gestures. Please keep your hands by your side until you have fully decided which gesture you're going to make-- let's not have any impulse gestures here. Middle fingers are completely acceptable. Please keep your fingers away from your eye regions. If dust gets caught in the corners of both eyes, please go to the lavatory to pick it out. (Which is not to say that the lavatory should become some hotbed of eye-stretching.) No bowing.

Signage. No fortune cookies. Stay away from the word "yellow", even when replacing the word "black" in popular references.

Cheering. Heckling is strongly encouraged. Did you know that Harvard's law school is widely regarded as inferior to Yale's? Ooh, that's gold. We don't see any reason why you can't posit that Lin's mother, Shirley, blows goats. (If there's anything we've learned from attending sporting events, it's that a surprisingly high percentage of pro athletes come from goat-blowing households.) Just don't fucking yell it -- or whisper it, or say anything -- in a "Engrish" accent.

Beverages. If you turn into Michael Richards, maybe limit it to two beers tonight. Or watch from home? ESPN cameras don't usually raid living rooms in Kendall.

The Dick Clause. Don't be one.

Special note for media covering the event. Watch this Saturday Night Live sketch, with your brain.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.