Jose Canseco's New Low: Sending Twin Ozzie To Fight At Hard Rock Celebrity Boxing Match

​As a blackballed steroid abuser who favors mesh t-shirts, it's not easy to hit a new low when you've already had your personal street name revoked and you've been evicted from your house (and not even allowed to take your chandeliers with you). So if hometown hero Jose Canseco wants to really land on rock bottom, he's got to get creative.

Like maybe secretly sending his twin Ozzie to fight in his place at a D-list celebrity boxing match at a Hollywood casino?  Well played, Canseco! You win again.

The ex-Bash Brother was foiled in the act of brother-swapping on Saturday when Ozzie -- who is noted primarily for being an even less inspiring MLB sibling than Billy Ripkin -- got caught before a match that was also set to include Lindsay Lohan's dad, Michael.

"We discovered the Canseco who showed up was Ozzie when he took off his shirt and didn't have José's tattoos on the biceps that appear in our advertising," a boxing promoter told El Nuevo Herald.

Since news broke yesterday, Canseco has been waging a full-on Twitter war against the fight's promoter, Damon Feldman.

This isn't our first encounter with Feldman or his celebrity boxing wiles at New Times. In fact, last May our own Gus Garcia-Roberts was promised a spot to fight Michael Lohan himself in a Canseco-led card -- only for Feldman to pull the plug at the last minute.

Here's what Jose's had to say about the brouhaha:

Be very careful with Damon feldman who runs celebrity boxing he will not pay you if you fight for himless than a minute ago via TweetCaster

A few minutes later, he added this: 

Damon feldman will not fulfil his part of the bargainless than a minute ago via TweetCaster

Seems open and shut, right? Dirtbag promoter forces celebrity boxer to send his twin brother in his place because the money ain't what it was supposed to be. That's the story of America, really.

But wait! Now Jose says there's more to it:

let's see who is smart enough to figure out what happened at the boxing matchless than a minute ago via TweetCaster

Woah, the gauntlet is down. OK, Jose: How about this? You and Mr. Feldman cooked up this whole idea between yourselves to juice up 1,500 times as much attention in the media as you would otherwise have received for a D-list celebrity fight?

Are we close?

I am still waiting for an intelligent scenarioless than a minute ago via TweetCaster

As are we all, Jose.

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Tim Elfrink is a former investigative reporter and managing editor for Miami New Times. He has won the George Polk Award and was a finalist for the Goldsmith Prize for Investigative Reporting.
Contact: Tim Elfrink