Columns

Jersey Shore in South Beach: 10 Snooki-Shopped Plot Suggestions

It's all but officially confirmed that season two of the immensely popular reality-TV train wreck Jersey Shore will be shot in South Beach, and we have no doubt that 90 percent of the time, Snooki, the Situation, JWow, and the five others no one cares about will be indulging in GTL, fist pumping, hooking up, and occasionally shouting "I'm in Miami, bitch" to augment an argument. As it should be, but they will be in new surroundings and need to take advantage of all that Miami has to offer.

So through the latest technology of Snooki-shopping (Photoshopping Snooki into images), Riptide presents ten suggested plot lines we'd really, really love to see on the South Beach season.

1. Close Encounters of the Chonga Kind


Sure, South Beach has its own healthy supply of guidos, but like the cast, most of them have been imported from Long Island and New Jersey. But we're also home to the distant cousin of the guidette -- the chonga. Because the show is basically a culture experiment already, we need to know what would happen when you place a guido and a chonga in the same room. For pure cultural anthropology reasons. Would they fight? Hook up? Or would it be like that scene from I Love Lucy with Harpo Marx?

Warning before you proceed: A few of these images are slightly NSFW. Any explicit nastiness has been obscured (we'll give you one guess as to with what), but be prepared to scroll fast if your boss walks by. 

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Kyle Munzenrieder