Jeremy Lin Needs to Beware Coochie Power


Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme

Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for

Miami New Times.

This week, Luke counsels New York Knicks guard Jeremy Lin.

The New York Knicks and Jeremy Lin are

coming to town this Thursday, February 23, to take on the Miami Heat.

My advice to Knicks head coach Mike D'Antoni: Lock the

Asian-American sensation in his hotel room until tip-off. Now that

Lin is an overnight superstar, every female groupie from South Beach

to Fort Lauderdale will want to get him in bed. That's one of the

benefits of being an NBA baller.

Lin isn't ready for the power of the coochie. He's no Tim Tebow. Why do I say that? First of all, Lin has a Harvard degree and Tebow got his college education at the University of Florida. That's like comparing a rocket scientist to a Honda mechanic. Also, Tebow has won a collegiate national title and the Heisman trophy, so he's used to girls testing his decision to stay a virgin until marriage.

But Lin was just another unknown D-leaguer before breaking out this season. He's not used to the headlines and babes fawning all over him. Until recently, he was sleeping on his brother's couch and couldn't have gotten laid in Rio de Janeiro during Carnaval. Last week., I'm sure he had every fine model who strutted the catwalk during New York Fashion Week waiting for him outside Madison Square Garden.

Next thing you know, Lin will be walking through Central Park holding hands with a tall, beautiful girl who looks like Tom Brady's wife, Gisele Bundchen.

I wouldn't be surprised to see Kim Kardashian sitting courtside this Thursday night at the American Airlines Arena. She and every come-up reality show star will be the first ones to try to snag Lin. Paris Hilton is gonna run up to him at LIV and say, "Oh, Jeremy, what's up, big boy?" Or something like that ...

Then two years down the road, Gisele's clone will divorce Jeremy because he has turned into a sex maniac like Tiger Woods. Lin will be on the cover of the National Enquirer, naked, at some wild orgy featuring foreign NBA players like Tony Parker and Dirk Nowitzki. And his pretty model wife will walk away with half his fortune and endorsement deals.

When it goes after celebrity male athletes, the va-jay-jay is undefeated; it's never lost. My advice to Lin: Beware the power of the coochie.

Follow Luke on Twitter at @unclelukereal1.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.