Sports

Heat Top Lakers 99-90 As LeBron, Wade Score 66 Combined

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It may have been Dwyane Wade's 31st birthday but it might as well have been his 21st. D-Wade -- forever beloved in our hearts like he's some kinda primo hermano -- dropped 27 points on a night where he was vintage Wade: attacking the basket, scrambling for loose balls, cutting through open lanes in the Lakers defense and shutting down Kobe Bryant (who, despite a late fourth quarter flourish, had a relatively harmless 22 points on 8-of-25 shooting). MV3 was fun to watch and put to rest any notions (once again and hopefully folks will fucking LEARN this time) that he's lost a step or is not the same Dwyane Wade. D-Wade can fall out of bed, drop 25 points, impregnate 15 Kate Uptons, figure out gun control in a way that makes everyone happy and personally witness the birth of stars light years away like he's fucking Silver Surfer. Never doubt D-Wade again.

However, for all of Wade's badassery play, the night belong to one LeBron Raymone COBRADICK James, Esq. LeBron set the tone early, scoring half of his point total by the end of the first half and being all over the place as the Lakers turned the ball over 10 times in the first two quarters. Things were relatively quiet in the 2nd half for LeBron until FOURTH QUARTER ASSKCIKING TIME came along and LeBron went toe-to-toe with the NBA's most insidious ballhog, Kobe Bryant. Despite Kobe's early struggles, he hit a few big shots at the end to tie the game at 90. However, the Cobradick would not be denied on this night as James hit a bank shot with :49 seconds left to seal the game. LeBron was then fouled on a final, FUCK YOU drive to the basket with the game firmly within our grasp and then completed the classic 3-point play to get the Heat to 99. This was a huge win for a Heat team that had struggled on this long road trip (finishing 3-3) and for the first win at the Staples Center since 2010.

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Roger Paul