Certain CVS locations in Miami like to keep their condoms under lock and key, which always leads to the most awkward shopping experience. First you have to find someone, then they have to get on the radio to find out who has the key.
"I need the key ...no not for the razors, for the condoms."
Then you have to tell the attendant exactly which condom you need: "Umm, no regular size is fine, but do you have the, umm, you know, ones that taste like strawberry? ...No, that's ok, don't go check in the back. Regular will do fine." God forbid you need any thing else.
"mumble, whisper, mumble."
"What?"
"Lube, too, please."
"I can't hear you."
"WE NEED LUBRICATION! THERE IS SOME FREAKY SHIT PLANNED! ASTROGLIDE WILL DO FINE! THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP!"
Well, it never occurred to us that these lock and key CVSes seem to be
in locations with larger minority population. It also pisses us off
that after all that, the condoms you might be getting could be indeed
expired. I mean could you imagine getting pregnant or HIV or something
because CVS can't bother to do inventory. Gee, maybe if they didn't
keep the damn things under lock and key they'd get off the shelves
faster, and there wouldn't be any expired rubber left.
According to NBCMiami, a group called Cure CVS is planning a Miami demonstration to protest all this bullshit. They claim these policies prevent minorities from getting proper protection. CVS though, doesn't seem to care.
