Sun Life Stadium should expect a visit from the Herald any day now: the ballpark has officially become an assisted living facility.
The Marlins took another shaky, walker-assisted step towards an All Star break nap by acquiring 38-year-old outfielder Mike Cameron on Tuesday.
"I hear he's good at Sudoku," manager Jack McKeon didn't say of Cameron. "Besides, I need someone to play dominoes with me while the kids run around in the mud with their ball and wooden sticks."
Clearly, at ten games under .500, the Fish feel the need to bring in some
fresh ancient, stale blood to envigorate ensure the team finishes dead last in the division.
Cameron fits the bill perfectly. He was dropped by the Red Sox on June 30 after hitting just .149 in 94 at bats in 2011. Last year he only managed 48 games, hitting .249.
Just how old is Mike Cameron?
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- The highlight on his MLB player page is an RBI single. Not a single-run dinger. A single. One base. Ninety feet. Singles are so pre-steroids.
- German filmmaker Werner Herzog recently profiled him in Cave of Forgotten Outfielders.
- He has already taken to veterany musings on baseball, injuries, and the meaning of life.
But some insist that there is still some chaw left in Cameron's cheek.
"I think you're looking for production, and we still think this guy can help us," Marlins president of baseball operations Larry Beinfest actually did say of Cameron in a mind-melding blend of pronouns and points of view.
Cameron's first game could be tonight against the Philadelphia Phillies.