| Humor |

Florida Couple Breaks Into School for Sex, Then Bashed Vending Machine for "Beer Munchies"

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

We've all been in that situation when our body's saying let's go, but our heart is saying, "Wait a minute, we don't actually have a place to have sex right now."

That didn't stop Vincent Ewell, 18, and Lindsay Longbottom, 19, of Daytona Beach. They decided to break into a school to have sex, and then vandalized the vending machines because they got "beer munchies."

Sure. "Beer" munchies.

According to WFTV, the pair set off a triggered alarm during their impromptu rendezvous at Mainland High School. When police arrived they found open doors and the vandalized vending machine. They then heard breaking glass and later found the couple trying to get into a car to get away.

The couple used the "beer munchies" excuse to explain the broken vending machines, but there excuse as to why they broke into the school in the first place was even better.

They needed a place where Longbottom's boyfriend wouldn't find them to get it on.

It's almost ironic they chose a school because it would seem they didn't pay much attention when they were actually students. Wouldn't they realize schools are alarmed and responding to those alarms are going to be a top priority for police? Wouldn't they then realize if they got caught the local news would be all over it and Longbottom's boyfriend, and the rest of the town for that matter, would find out?

Good Lord, you're better off parking your car somewhere quiet and going at it.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.