Eight Things Miamians Really Don't Care About

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Country and Western Music

Do you know who Jason Aldean, Cole Swindell and Dustin Lynch are? (They all have top 10 country hits right now.) Do you know where to find the country station on the dial? (There are two that reach Miami, but they're licensed in Broward and the Keys.) Do you know the last time a major country artist played a concert here? (Taylor Swift doesn't count.) Aside from a few music snobs who like the classics like Johnny Cash and Dolly Parton, people here listen to country music about as regularly as Nashville residents listen to Icelandic whale chants.

Traditional Notions of "Time"

For all the technological advances represented in the Apple Watch, we don't even think that thing is going to make Miamians start showing up on time.

Body Hair

The only body hair here is in the form a well groomed patch left on the body of a straight guy so you don't think he's too gay ... And speaking of gays, ask them if there are any bear bars here. They'll laugh. Whether it's by razors, waxing, electrolysis, or just natural smoothness, the hirsute look just isn't in here. The tanning oils rub in better that way anyway.

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Kyle Munzenrieder