| Columns |

Carlos Alvarez, Won't You Please Be My Facebook Pal?

Kudos to Miami Herald reporters Matt Haggman and Scott Dolan, who today whacked Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez really good. Turns out our dear alcalde fuerte was doling out raises to his favored employees while taking the ax to the rest of the county budget.

Of course, don't forget yours truly was the first to expose the largesse in the mayor's and county manager's offices. Anyway, the Herald's report has Alvarez's flack Vicki Mallette defending her 54 percent pay raise over the past year by noting, among other difficult duties, she sometimes writes the mayor's speeches.

Hey, until you've walked a mile in her shoes, you don't know what it's like. But I digress.

The Herald reporters noted Alvarez is already paying speechwriter Eric Esteban $46,000 a year to cover that. In the story, Mallette explains Esteban also responds to constituent letters, composes occassional talking points, and updates the mayor's Facebook page.

Except Banana Republican is having the darndest time trying to locate the mayor's page to request him as a friend. Despite what our readers might think, I secretly desire to be part of Alvarez's inner circle so I don't have to be bitter anymore about not making a six-figure salary.

I came across a group page called "Re-Elect Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez." That couldn't be it. After all, Florida law makes it illegal for government employees to work on political campaigns on the taxpayers' dime. I doubt Alvarez and his 29th-floor posse are that dumb. Gotta say, though, 110 members is pretty embarrassing.

Banana Republican really wants to be your friend, Carlito. Please, please, please let me know where to find you on Facebook so I can poke you, tag photos of you driving your Beemer, use your help in Mob Wars, and take quizzes to see how much we have in common!

I mean, we could turn out to be FBBFs 4EVA! That would be so AWESOME!

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