Media

"Bro Witness" Wearing Miami Dolphins Hat Is Now Famous; Not Actual Miami Bro

Earlier today, a woman tried to ram the White House gates with her car and was subsequently shot and killed. Because these are the times we live in a meme-star has already emerged from this odd tragedy. His name is "bro witness." He is a bro who witnessed the event while shirtless and wearing a Miami Dolphins hat, and who is now talking to police and the media. Despite his choice of sporting attire, he is not actually from Miami, bro. Which shouldn't be much of a surprise, because real Miami bros don't talk to the cops.

At 3:26 p.m., National Journal reporter Matt Vasilogambros tweeted a picture of "Bro Witness" and simply dubbed him "Bro Witness."

At the time I am writing these words, it is 4:50 p.m., less than 90 minutes later, and Bro Witness is already a star. Buzzfeed and New York magazine already have detailed reports on Bro Witness's identity.

His name is Matthew Jacob and he's from New Zealand, not actually from Miami, sadly. Though, as we noted earlier this week the Dolphins are oddly popular over in England, so perhaps the Dolphins popularity is strong across the entire British Commonwealth. We should note that the hat does sport the brand new Dolphins logo, so either Bro Witness just needed a new hat recently and liked the colors or he's a diehard Dolphins fan who likes to stay up to date on all the team's swag.

According to Daily Beast reporter Ben Jacobs, his friends identify Jacob as "a fuckhead."

Surely someone at Miami Dolphins HQ is hoping Bro Witness becomes a surprise Halloween hit. Gotta sell those caps, bro.

Here is another angle of Bro Witness's bro pecs.

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Kyle Munzenrieder