The big auction of Bernie Madoff's old stuff went down this weekend at the Miami Beach Convention Center, and more than $400,000 was collected to pay back his victims. The big news though is that someone paid $200 for a lot of Madoff's old boxer shorts. Which seems like a really good deal and a smart investment to us.
The unknown bidder picked up 14 pairs of Bernie's underwear for the two Benjamins, which works out to about $14.29 a pair. That's a steal compared to the going price of a pair of new boxers from the likes of . And the only person who wears your boxers before you buy them at Banana Republic is the weird guy who works in the stock room who locks himself in the bathroom during his lunch break.
But these boxer shorts, they have actual history! They were worn by one of the most notorious financial criminals of the new century.
If the bidder plays his cards right surely he'll be able to find a underground community of rich perverts who can only get off while smelling the used undergarments of some of history's biggest criminals. Jeffrey Dahmer's old jock strap only does the trick for so long.
Failing that, surely there are tacky bars throughout the country that could find space on their walls of weird memorabilia that would be willing to pay more than the $14.29 initial investment to hang up a pair of Bernie's unmentionables. Whatever the case, it just seems like a great investment to us.
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Though, we feel the humane thing to do is to donate the boxers back to some of Madoff's victims, who, after the scam, we assume are wearing only this: