Alex Rodriguez and Kelly Bensimon's Alleged Art Basel Hook Up Will Give Us Nightmares

Alex Rodriguez may play ball in New York, but it's well known he swings his other bat down here in his childhood home of Miami. This leads to a number of unsettling rumors about his latest jump offs fluttering through town, but his latest alleged hook up literally just makes our skin crawl. According to Page Six he reportedly got cozy with questionably sane Real Housewives of New York star Kelly Bensimon. This comes on the heels of -- or maybe in the middle of -- his rumored dalliance with Cameron Diaz. From Cameron to Kelly, really A-Rod?

According to the gossip mongers, Bensimon and Rodriguez were reportedly all over each other at a party at Wall last Thursday night hosted by art world scion Vito Schnable.

"He had his arm 'round Kelly and they were flirting," Page Six's source says.

They then reportedly were seen strolling around the convention center the next day

What I would give to hear these two discuss modern art. I'm sure those conversation were enthralling:

A-Rod: I like this artist. Do you think I could commission him to add to my growing collections of paintings featuring myself as a centaur?

Bensimon: I don't know, but this painting reminds me of happy things like gummy bears, and cartwheels and lollies. Oh, that's not a painting? It's just an sign pointing to the exit? But when you think about it isn't all life just one giant exit sign while we try and make lemonade into lemons? It's the most genuine work of art here, and I should know, I used to be married to a famous photographer.

A-Rod: Yeah, so, uh, are you pretty flexible?
Diaz meanwhile is reportedly in Europe promoting a movie right now conveniently. Though a rumored former Bensimon flame, Gerard Butler, was in town. Awkward.

We all know about A-Rod, but if you are not yet familiar with the unique brand of crazy found in Bensimon just Google the phrase "Satchels of Gold" and you'll get why we're getting physically upset about all this.

Anyway, other guests at Thursdays big party at Wall also reportedly included Calvin Klein, HRH Princess Firyal of Jordan, Nicky Hilton, Tory Burch, Ryan McGinnis, Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn, Naomi Campbell and, uh, Simon Rex. Amazing how the trashiest guests managed to find each other.

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Kyle Munzenrieder