Adam Lambert: Secret Chonga?

Tonight, America will make its most important collective decision since we elected Obama. We take to the phones to text in our choice for the next American Idol. The choice is between lil' miss glamour puss Adam Lambert and generically good looking, non-threatening, Christian boy Kris Allen. Well, officially it is, but everyone know it's going to be Adam Lambert. 

We're not really sure why America is so enthralled with this androgynous shrieker, other than maybe a lot of teenage girls squint real hard and think he looks like a Jonas Brother. 

Though, when we squint our eyes we see something else: the copious amounts of pancake makeup, the perfectly groomed, thick eyebrows that almost, maybe look like they're filled in with Sharpie, the tight jeans with trashy adornments, the unnatural Kool-Aid tint in his hair, the copious amounts of jewelry, the painted nails. OMG! Adam Lambert is a chonga!!!

The thing with Adam Lambert is that everyone on the internet is convinced he's gay, but no one is really acknowledging it in public or seems to care (it is kind of a Charlie Crist like situation). We don't really care where he sticks his ick, nor do we want to think about it. But, there's photos of Lambert circulating that confirm our chonga suspicion. 

It's not standard-issue, street chonga attire by any means. It's more like fancy, formal chonga. On the left you have chonga "in da club" make up, while a white version of Lambert's get-up on the right is a chonga's dream wedding dress (if a chonga could actually get her baby daddy to marry her). 

So, while some blogs are whisper-wondering if Adam Lambert will be our first gay American Idol, we can only wonder if he'll be our first chonga Idol. 

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Kyle Munzenrieder

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