On last night's episode of X Factor, we saw "hipster" Philip Lomax sing "Don't Stop the Music" to Rihanna. We saw Simon tap his toe, Paula look intensely happy, Nicole emote, and L.A. shake his head back and forth in approval.
Future mechanic Tora Woloshin made us feel old, then smart, then kind of horrified as she became overwhelmed trying to remember the lyrics to "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction." Dramatic Nick Voss, a hometown Hialeah boy, just wants to buy his mom a dream house. Meanwhile, 4Shore sounds so good, but looks so dorky. Bieber fan Drew is actually 45 years old and not 14, proven by the reappearance of her 1980s prom dress last night. Just kidding, that wasn't nice. But whatever ... It's been more than obvious that she's going to win since her first appearance.
Thankfully, there were less tears last night. But there were definitely a few surprises and some serious questions.
5. Do These People Really Live in Those Houses?
At first, we thought for certain that these massive edifices with sick vistas didn't actually belong to the four judges. It's impossible to wrap our brains around anyone owning such mega-mansions, and then rubbing them in our impoverished faces on TV? Seems insane. We were certain that these have to be ridiculously expensive rental properties. However, Hialeah group Illusion Confusion told Channel 7's Louis Aguirre yesterday that they are really the judges' abodes. Maybe we're just too poor and in denial. We are the 99%, bro.
4. X Factor Favors Girls Under 30
While the groups went to Santa Barbara to Paula's psycho massive palace, the boys went to L.A.'s ridiculous seaside property, and the oldies were disappointed to end up in Nicole's estate while the young ladies headed to France to hit up Simon. His "home" isn't in Paris considering that it appears to include hundreds of acres of green space. But the young divas get to see the capital city for at least a few minutes, clearly hitting the jackpot location-wise.
3. Women love Simon Cowell?
Even though the logical mind might tell you that these contestants would want any other judge than Simon, the chicks went nuts over him and everyone else was bummed they didn't meet him. It made us lose respect for these masochists, since they clearly have none for themselves.
2. What's Up With Dexter Haygood?
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Last night, he revealed that he used to be homeless. And you know, there's absolutely nothing funny about that. But man, what a character this guy is! He was on that crazy deck looking totally out there and cool in his Memphis graffiti jean jacket singing "Crazy In Love," freaking out Enrique. He's weepy, he's James Brown, he's Mick Jagger. He's awesome. He can come sing at our party as long as he leaves the tears at home.
Guest Judges Included Two Miami Boys!
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X Factor's contestants all got a brush with fame last night, thanks to three guest judges. Nicole brought out Enrique Iglesias who she recently partnered with on the song "Heartbeat," Paula introduced Pharrell to her folks, and L.A.'s judge was Rihanna. Amusingly, Mariah fucking Carey was supposed to visit Simon in France. She was held up by Hurricane Irene, though.
Again ... Obvs the young girls were like totally given favorites. We love you Enrique and Pharrell. But Mariah Carey?! Now she's famous.
Till next week!