Are you ready to spend the next three days penned inside the gates of Bayfront Park like some kinda wild, half-naked, EDM-addled party animal?
With just 18,000 seconds till Ultra Music Festival starts uhntz-uhntz-ing like a raver dry heaving after too many pep pills, you might be frantically prepping for the fest by guzzling gallons of water, storing hard candy in your cheeks, and slathering your beat-freaking ass in sunless tanning lotion.
Or ... You might be a member of the sad and ticketless club. In which case, how are you gonna find a way to waste all the cash that you didn't blow on Ultra.
Mad Decent's Manatee Grove. With Diplo, Dillon Francis, Brenmar, Jackmaster, Sinden, and others. Noon, Villa 221, 221 NE 17th St., Miami; 305-416-5280; villa221.com. Tickets cost $10 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. They aren't called sea cows for nothing. So saddle that manatee, float up the Miami River, and meet us at the Grove. This shit's gonna be Mad Decent.
No. 19 Social Experiment/Supernature. With Art Department, Maceo Plex, Soul Clap, Audiofly, Shaun Reeves, and Others. 10 p.m., Mamushka's, 31 NW 36th St., Miami; 786-991-3823; mamushkagallery.com. Tickets cost $25 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Despite the scary code name, this Midtown throwdown isn't a CIA operation involving synthetic drugs, human testing, and weird interrogation techniques. Just a night of rad bangers, cheap booze, and bumping junk with strangers.
Windish Agency Showcase. With Diplo, Skream, Caspa, Busy P, Drop the Lime, and Others. 10 p.m., Grand Central, 697 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-377-2277; grandcentralmiami.com. Tickets cost $20 plus fees via fla.vor.us. Ages 21 and up. Ever dreamt about wilding out with Diplo, a bunch of other DJs, and their agents? Well, just hit up the Windish showcase. It'll be the best office party of the week.
Mixmag in Miami. With Designer Drugs, Steve Aoki, Chase & Status, Pendulum, Riva Starr, and Others. 10 p.m., Ice Palace, 59 NW 14th St., Miami; 305-347-7400; big-time.com. Tickets cost $42.40 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Overdose on Designer Drugs. Get blasted in the face with superexpensive champagne by Steve Aoki. And party like an EDM journalist with Mixmag, the "world's biggest selling dance music magazine."
Ultra Carryon Afterparty and Dirty South. With Thomas Gold and Tommy Trash. 10 p.m., Mansion, 1235 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-695-8411; mansionmiami.com. Six-person table reservations cost $2500 to $4000 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Yes, the average cost of Tommy Trash-ing a Mansion with Mr. Gold and Dirty South is $1083.33/person plus fees. Break out the black card, beat freaks.