Much like phony-baloney award shows or boring-as-shit overpriced music festivals, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is -- generally speaking -- a big bunch of bullshit. Or as the Sex Pistols would say, "a piss stain."
Look, we're totally stoked that Kraftwerk, N.W.A., and Public Enemy might finally going down as official all-time greats. And we're ambivalent about the inclusion of Heart. But dammit, this isn't about who's on the list. We're pissed about the Hall of Fame snubbing some of the biggest names in the history of guitar, bass, and drums.
Check out Crossfade's list of rockers and rollers long overdue for induction to the top shelf of history.
5. Tiny Tim
Ukulele-playing freakshow Herbert Khaury (AKA Tiny Tim) should have been inducted into the Hall of Fame the first millisecond he became eligible for nomination. Dub T was like Devendra Banhart if he were actually weird and not just a hippie hipster who looks like Russel Brand. And Tiny Timmy's voice! Angelic. Feast your eyes upon the only truly psychedelic human being that ever walked the Earth.
4. Charles Manson
Look, bro. We're not saying Charles Manson should be nominated for the Decent Human Being Hall of Fame. Nothing is worse than a serial-killer apologist. But at the same time, you can't deny the simple the simple truth that tunes is tunes. And besides, would he really be the first scumbag, drug-addled cult leader, or murderer inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?
3. Anal Cunt
Now AC's Seth Putnam never killed anybody. But, for decades, the infamous, righteously un-P.C. frontman made so much folly of so many others' misery. So we can't help but have the burning to desire to smear flaming diarrhea all over the final resting place of his remains. However, Crossfade's personal disdain for the man, his band and its legacy of hate does not preclude their right -- as the most ridiculously offensive "Is this a joke?" band ever -- to be inducted in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as soon as they are eligible in 2013.
2. The Shaggs
This trio of tone-deaf, rhythmless sisters were forced into showbiz by their father Joe Jackson-style. But instead of the most successful family boy band in the history of harmonizing siblings, these ingredients produced completely accidental art rock. If The Shaggs had been striving to sound this weird, it would be a notable achievement. But its impact is quadrupled by the band's stated intention to perform regular, listenable music. The Shaggs are unintentionally the best band ever.
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1. G.G. Allin & The Murder Junkies
In the years preceding the heroin overdose that killed him, Allin was on a bonafide suicide mission to transform his body into an indestructible rock 'n' roll weapon. In the '50s and '60s, Elvis Presley shook his hips and curled his lips while panties rained down from the sky, mothers fainted, and Father's clenched their fists. Three decades later, Allin smeared his own fecal matter all over himself, inflicted numerous bloody injuries, and regularly challenged the audience to fight him. Why is Elvis in the Hall of Fame but G.G. isn't? Who was more rock 'n' roll?