Tiesto Hates on Daft Punk: Five Reasons This Idiot's Jealous

They say hate is just twisted appreciation, and if that's the case, Tiësto must be the biggest Daft Punk fan on the planet. He just has a funny way of showing it.

He recently went on a huge dig-fest, calling the robots an overhyped waste of studio space, talking smack about their work on the Tron: Legacy soundtrack and Random Access Memories.

Apparently, Tiësto's mad pissed that the Daft Punk guys have the skills to step outside the box they created and fulfill themselves creatively in a multitude of ways, and instead of accepting their artistry, he is now out to "destroy" them.

Well, Tiëstblow, we think you need to take a step back and look in the mirror. We'll help you.

See also:

-Five Signs You Might Be a Shitty DJ

He's Pissed He Hasn't Worked With Those Collaborators

This whole thing was spurred by a meeting Tiësto had during one of his shows with recent DP collaborator and electronic music innovator Giorgio Moroder. He did shots with the 70-something godfather of four-on-the-floor, then he exchanged numbers with him, hoping he could get in on that magic. When DP came up in a subsequent interview, he started shitting all over the new album, claiming that everyone just pretends to like it because Daft Punk is "cool." Factually, Daft Punk is and has been appreciated by people who don't frequent (and in fact, would never be caught dead at) EDM shows. Meanwhile, there are more people on molly at a Tiësto show than probably any other, because you have to be blowing up to find redeemable qualities in his insanely repetitive and flat-line DJ sets. Perhaps someone is redirecting their own frustrations?

No Matter How Much Money He Makes, He Will Never Get Top Billing Over Daft Punk

This has got to really keep Tiësto up at night. If there's ever been a poster boy for self-involved, egotistical superstar douche jockeying, it's Tiesticle. He's a corporate and media whore, he's the richest DJ in the world, he's bloated as shit, he probably works out more than he practices, and he hardly challenges himself artistically whether live or on his original releases. We will admit Kaleidoscope makes us dance, but that's basically all we'll concede. Meanwhile, Daft Punk is influential from indie rock to house, electro, and all the BPMs. They essentially reinvigorated the popular EDM scene, spawned the obsession with giant stage productions with their pyramid in '06-'07, and have the balls to reject the frenzy they inspired. No matter what happens, Daft Punk will always be a bigger name than Tiësto, and his pile of riches can't buy him their place in music history.

Tiësto Can't Understand Daft Punk's Conceptual Approach

Throughout their career, the Daft Punk guys have treated their albums as opportunities to make sophisticated artistic statements. Homework, of which Tiësto admits being a fan, was the invention of the "bedroom producer." They made the whole thing on their computers at home, and that was the point, to show it could be done, hence the title. Discovery (Disco-Very) was an incredible journey into the heart of the musical influences and themes that they would again visit with this most recent release. Human After All is a brilliant exploration of emotional themes as told through the most robotic instrumentation and sounds. Random Access Memories is a mirror image of Human After All, but this time told through the most analog instrumentation and recording processes. We could probably write a doctoral thesis on the Daft Punk catalog. On the contrary, Tiësto albums are just a collection of pretty songs, and with his rant about R.A.M., he makes his ignorance apparent.

Daft Punk Scored a Film, Tiësto Couldn't Score a Bowel Movement

The Daft Punk guys moved beyond their comfort zone and flexed their creative muscles on the score for Disney's Tron: Legacy. Some people, like Tiësto, were kinda pissed because, apparently, they think you can score a movie with club bangers. This seems to imply they have a limited view of musicality and forgot what life's like outside of a VIP bottle-service existence. If you handed Tiësto a full orchestra and told him to have at it, we'd bet he'd write the same sappy builds that last for twenty measures, followed by a bar of silence, followed by the most disappointing drop of all time. His grasp of music theory is clearly limited. And throughout his decade-spanning career, his artistic growth has been abysmally minimal. Sorry, Tiëstbro, but just changing from "trance" to "house" doesn't mean you're evolving.

Tiesto Is Just Booooorrriiiiinngg

You play Daft Punk for a room full of punk rockers and indie kids, you know, like James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem is always talking about doing, you're going to ignite that room into a dancing frenzy and everyone is going to have the primetime of their lives. You take that same room and put on a Tiesto album, and people will just barf or go to sleep. He's cheese-level is maximus and his audience is probably all in the same tax bracket. Universal is not his quality, and we're gonna skip his headline set in favor of something else, every time.

Follow Crossfade on Facebook and Twitter @Crossfade_SFL.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Kat Bein is a freelance writer and has been described as this publication’s "senior millennial correspondent." She has an impressive, if unhealthy, knowledge of all things pop culture.