You're going to South by Southwest, right? Or you're already there? One of those things is bound to be true. Well, we here at DC9 have got some advice for you, and we've managed to format it all into the style of commandments, because one of our favorite things to do is pretend we're angry Gods. Or something like that. We're not really sure, but the doctor told us it was best to just go with it.
For Christ's sake, don't break any of these commandments this year.
So, here they are, the 50 Commandments of SXSW 2013.
1. Thou shalt not make the mistake of not worshiping the god Doritos.
See the 1st Commandment.
2. Thou shalt not forget you're never getting into Stubb's BBQ.
3. Thou shalt not forget to loudly say "my herpes are roaring" in the middle of a packed show.
4. Thou shalt not forget to forget deodorant, you wouldn't want to smell good.
5. Thou shalt not shout "the dragons are coming" in the middle of 6th Street unless you're certain they are.
6. Thou shalt not hesitate to tell the guy next to you the traffic is terrible, he probably doesn't know.
7. Thou shalt not fail to respect The Best Wurst carts on 6th, or the Jesus will strike you down.
8. Thou shalt not fight it: just fall asleep on the curb in front of Pete's Dueling Piano Bar.
9. Thou shalt not forget to ask the homeless: ARE YOU WIFI READY??? (this is a joke about how someone made a homeless person a fucking WIFI necklace to wear).
10. Thou shalt not let the police tell you you can't build a pillow fort across the street from the Fader Fort.