If you've paid any attention to television, radio, internet, or even smoke signals rising from a faraway tribe, you've no doubt heard a little bit about Charlie Sheen in the news lately. But let us go on record right here and now as saying that the man is, in our eyes, nothing short of a freaking rock star.
With that pesky little show Two and a Half Men safely out of his way, Sheen has turned to storming the media by every avenue available. After hitting up every outlet known to man, though, from The Today Show to FunnyOrDie.com to starting his own Sheen's Corner, what's next for the master of media manipulation? We're putting our money on the Sheenster starting a band.
So check the cut to see Crossfade's ten winning band names for Charlie Sheen's inevitable debut album.
1. Tiger Blood
This one is a gimme. And the versatility is certainly there. Sheen could either be lead vocalist for an art-rock outfit, jamming keys. Or front a straight-up classic rock cover band.
2. Adonis DNA
In a related suggestion ... Glam rock. We can see it now: Charlie Sheen in sparkley spandex, giant teased hair, and makeup.
3. 7-Gram Rocks
This would be a perfect name for a group consisting of Sheen and a handful of rapping white kids. Or him as a single folky dude with a funky acoustic and a distinct rap bent to his lyrical style, not unlike G. Love.
4. Rock Stars from Mars
College radio rock band. Hands down.
5. Duh! Warlocks
This one also seems fitting for a college radio band. Maybe Sheen and a group of dorky-cool kids, a la Weezer in their early days? We've seen Sheen in his Elvis Costello glasses, and we know he can pull it off.
6. Troll Hole
How about this name for an all-girl alternative group fronted by an angry, drug-addled and weather-beaten peroxide blonde? No, we're not suggesting Charlie Sheen go drag. Even he has his limits. But he could manage them.
7. Behind the Hieroglyphic
We're thinking something in the British math rock vein, along the lines of Muse. And definitely give him a synth guitar.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
8. Melting Faces
How is Melting Faces not a perfect name for a psychedelic rock band, fronted by a barefoot Charlie Sheen in a tie-dyed shirt wielding a Les Paul?
9. Vatican Assassins
This is almost too obvious for a death metal group. But it might be just right for Charlie Sheen's punk band.
10. Gnarly Gnarlingtons
Little bit of reggae, little bit of punk, just the right blend of ska ... This is the next Sublime! Hopefully, minus the heroin overdose.