If you're coherent enough to find the condoms, you're probably clear-headed enough to realize that you should not have sex with the thing you're about to have sex with. Besides, if you decide you really need to get yourself some strange, you can always just use one of the many mud-covered discarded condoms on the ground.
6. Anyone That You Care About
You're going to be drunk. You're going to spend thirty minutes in a bathroom. You're going to get caught up in a conversation with a Juggalo dad selling cigarettes for another thirty minutes. And then you're going to lose track of the people you came with. You have to trust that the Gathering will see whoever you're with to total safety. Which, at this point, is a concept we are no longer 100 percent familiar with.
5. Cell Phones
Your cell phone will not work. There is absolutely no reception out here in the land of the shirtless and careless--it is little more than a glorified flashlight here. If you do happen to bring your phone, you will likely lose it. Personally, I passed out in a field the first night we were here and tried to walk away from my phone while it was laying in a pile of mud. Thankfully, an associate was there to remind me it was something that I might want to use again in life, back in reality.