Lists

Ten Songs Barack Obama Should Sing Next If He Wants a Second-Term

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10. "Sooner or Later (I Always Get My Man)" by Madonna

We're kicking this list off by going right for the fuckin' gullet, just like Barry O. did when he straight-up iced that bitch Osama Bin Laden. Dubya spent two years shy of a decade pursuing the leader of Al Qaeda in a fashion akin to Wile E. Coyote chasing The Roadrunner, Elmer Fudd hunting Bugs Bunny, and/or Sylvester The Cat repeatedly trying to scarf down Tweety Bird. When Obama finally plopped his ass down in the Oval Office's wheelie chair, Bin Laden was immediately on the fast-track to termination.



9. "Got Your Money" by Ol' Dirty Bastard feat. Kelis

Maybe the Commander in Chief could convince his First Lady to perform Kelis's fly-girl chorus? We also hear Joe Biden can sing in a falsetto of Klaus Nomi proportions. Regardless of accompaniment, this classic ODB banger could be dually dedicated to the bank-bailout-funding American taxpayer and The People's Republic of China.



8. "Could We Start Again, Please?" from the Jesus Christ Superstar OST.

Do you remember what the beginning of Obama's presidency was like? Pillow talk, long walks, feeding each other little morsels from our own plate ... You know that if Barack can remind the public of his President-elect Honeymoon to end all President-elect Honeymoons, the panties will be droppin' again in no time.



7. "Give Me Just A Little More Time" by Chairmen of the Board

Or maybe instead of looking back, The POTUS should set his (and the electorate's) sights on the future. Look, we know The First Black President is easy to mistake for the archetypal (and, uh, fucking racist) Magical Negro from films like The Green Mile and The Legend of Badger Vance, but, holy shit, no amount of magic - black or otherwise - can undo eight years of Cheney and Rumsfeld's attempt to establish a Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.



6. "In The Navy" by The Village People

Until he repealed the policy back in September, the Military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" approach to homosexual servicemen (and women) was one of Obama's most glaringly unfulfilled campaign promises. Now that the deed is done and DADT has been destroyed, might we suggest Mr. President put on a lil' drag-stravaganza to really hammer the message home? Can you imagine his cabinet all done up like The Village People? Do you want to?

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Matt Preira