9:59 a.m. We're wrapped in a towel, hair dripping, hands dry. Instead of performing the usual Monday morning ritual of frantically dressing and shoveling cereal down our throat, we're crouched in front of our laptop, preparing to blow our wad.
Sting's steely blue eyes are staring back at us. We're waiting for tickets to his second November show to go on sale. See, our mom's 50th birthday is coming up, and we know she'd really like to go. It's one of those I-know-we're-broke-but-let's-do-something-nice-together gifts.
10 a.m. Refresh page. Tickets on sale!
10:01 a.m. Wait? What's this? They're sold out? Return to ticket page. Refresh. Repeat. Rage.
Yes, by the time Crossfade had the chance to buy Sting tickets this morning, they were all gone. Sure, if we had wanted to pay $275 a ticket for his "VIP tour package," we could have shopped in advance. But after tax, that'd be about $600 for two fucking tickets, which equals more than a third of our monthly income. For two hours of entertainment.
We blame the greedy members of Sting's fan club. They were able to buy tix a full five days earlier. And Legacy Fan Club members even got a shot before New Fan Club members.
Logging on to StubHub.com, you can tell the run-of-the-mill bastards from the über-bastards just by browsing prices. After buying eight tix, Live Nation's maximum, the run-of-the-mill bastard offers a $60 ticket for a cool $99. Meanwhile, the über-bastard is a member of Sting's fan club.
He or she can buy all the pit tickets before the rest of us even get a chance. The über-bastard sells tickets for double the face value -- if you're lucky. And you can pinpoint these scumsuckers by the number of tickets they're selling. Hint: There's a four-ticket limit for fan club sales on Live Nation.
The end result is center pit tickets selling for as much as $1491. It's a total joke. But someone out there with a wallet bigger than his manhood will be dumb enough to buy 'em all.
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See you in the nosebleeds. We sure as hell can't afford anything else.
-- Kristin Bjornsen
SOLD OUT Sting's Back to Bass tour. Saturday, November 12, and Sunday, November 13. Fillmore Miami Beach, 1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. The concert begins at 8 p.m. Call 305-673-7300 or visit fillmoremb.com.