Six Club Drugs to Get You Through the Mayan Apocalypse

Page 2 of 3

6. Vodka

And we're not talking about Grey Goose with a splash of cran. On an average Friday night, that might do the trick. And by "the trick," we mean get you shitty-drunk enough to dance, flirt, and either get laid or vomit on yourself trying. But this is the apocalypse, people! We're talking cosmic calendars, ancient civilizations that disappeared, and fucking pyramids. Cataclysmic times call for cataclysmic inebriation. So pass the Soviet infantryman boot filled with Grade-Z swill distilled from potatoes by a peasant Babushka in the Russian countryside. We thirst, comrade.

5. Ecstasy

No, we haven't seen Molly, AKA pure MDMA. So quit asking. And hey, when we're a day away from, like, blinking out of existence, we wouldn't bother holding out. Instead, why not roll the dice (LOL) on some pressed pills loaded with, well, who the fuck knows what? You are that much more likely to draw the attention of the party photographers hanging out at the End of the World, because you will be that much more of a sweaty, teeth-grinding, obviously-on-drugs, beat-freaking pookiehead.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Matt Preira