Shaquille O'Neal Is a Schlub! Five South Beach Clubs With Dress Codes Too Strict for Shaq

​Remember when the Wade County police department teamed up with a veteran rogue enforcer named Shaquille O'Neal and the Miami Heat won the first and only NBA championship of its existence?

Yeah, there was a title. But also a lot of shit talking. And ultimately, disappointment. So much so that The Shaq Era is just a blip when compared to the current South Florida frenzy over LeBron's legacy. Well, when there isn't a motherfucking NBA lockout, of course. Occupy Basketball!

Since dropping the ball (LOL) with the Boston Celtics (and subsequently retiring), Shaquille has been keeping a low profile. Maybe too low. Just observe TMZ's report that the big man was spotted slummin' it in NYC, even getting turned away from chi-chi nightclub Mars 2112 for "dressing like a lumberjack."

You best believe we're still pissed about Shaq stepping to Pat Riley and generally being a big-ass whiny baby. So we're glad someone forced The Diesel to look in the mirror and face the fact that Shaquille O'Neal is a schlub.

Can you imagine if he tried to pull that sloppy shit in Miami? The bouncer would fling him into the street like Uncle Phil chucking Jazzy Jeff out the door.

In fact, check out five South Beach clubs we're sure would send Shaq packing and the highly plausible reasons why.

The Club: Mynt Lounge

The Reason: Shaq gets kicked out of Mynt Lounge for wearing Birkenstocks and a dashiki.

The Club: SET

The Reason: Shaq rejected from SET while sporting suspenders and one of those spinny helicopter hats.

The Club: Cameo

The Reason: Shaq booted out of Cameo for showing up dressed like Kazaam.

The Club: LIV

The Reason: Shaq is banned from LIV for wearing cargo shorts and shockingly soiled "Federal Booty Inspector" t-shirt.

The Club: Nikki Beach

The Reason: Shaq is persona non grata at Nikki Beach after Speedo malfunction.

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Matt Preira

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