Any sophisticated hipster worth his or her vintage Gibson Les Paul SG and Wusthof Super Slicer should be equally dedicated to the twin pleasures of tuneage and food. Each and every day, he or she would ideally spend an absolutely identical amount of time practicing Count Five's "Psychotic Reaction" as perfecting his or her knife skills in a fully outfitted semiprofessional home kitchen.
Needless to say, though, these kinds of hipsterrific hobbies can get pretty expensive. So if you're broke and need a cheaper alternative to the simultaneous, part-time pursuit of killer music and gourmet munchies, may we suggest Peter Bjorn and John's tunefully delicious All You Can Eat Tour?
Because we're talking about a band that's named for everyone's favorite sandwich (the classic PB&J) and recently released an album called Gimme Some, it's only natural that this Swedish trio — guitar guy Peter Morén, bass player Björn Yttling, and drummer John Eriksson — has decided to tour the Unites States and join forces with foodie website Eater.com to spread the joy of sweet tunes and free eats across America.
The deal: In seven U.S. cities (New York, D.C., Houston, Chicago, San Fran, L.A., and, yes, Miami), PB&J and Eater.com will coordinate with a local food truck to hook up quality grub for the unbelievably low price of nothing!
And as a guide for famished fans, the toothsome threesome has even drawn up a map of America that substitutes certain states — and even entire regions — with cartoonish drawings of the nation's favorite foods. In this cute (albeit geographically inexact) depiction, New England becomes a glisteningly plump turkey leg; Michigan morphs into a strangely triangular fried egg paired with a strip of bacon; Texas transforms into a massive hunk of red meat; Southern California takes the shape of a banana split; and Florida is, of course, the butt end of a bloody meat cleaver.
Now, it's been three months since Peter Bjorn and John announced that the All You Can Eat tour would bring its steaming buffet to Miami. So understandably, after that much waiting, SoFla's sophisticated hipsters are very, very, very hungry. And they're just dying to dance.
But before getting all excited about pigging out with your hot dog out and shimmying across the dance floor like you're having a diabetic seizure, let's just note that PB&J's tuneage-and-food party at Bardot is officially sold out.
Sure, according to the club, there will be tickets available at the door. But we can pretty much guarantee that passes will be as rare as an original acetate version of The Velvet Underground & Nico or an eight-pound white truffle.
So you should probably consider doing a little something nice to get into the doorman's good graces. Don't just walk up and say, "Gimme some tix, dude." You know, make a mixtape or bake a soufflé for him. After all, even doormen love music and munchies — just like Peter, Bjorn, John, and you.
Follow @eatermiami on Twitter for news about the time and location of Peter Bjorn and John's grub giveaway.