Opinion

New Party Rules for Millennials

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Photo by Ian Witlen
The stage is THAT way. Jeez.

Millennials, you still do all the drugs and have all the sex, but I have to break it to you -- #realtalk -- you do not know how to party.

And it's bringing me down. Heading over to what's supposed to be the "jam," hosted by 24-year-old "scenesters," I always hope that there won't be finger foods but that the fridge will be so packed with Miller High Life that it won't totally close. But then I get there, and there's artisan, sprouted, gluten-free hummus with homemade organic cheese sticks and vegan crackers for dipping. And no one looks like they're having fun.

See also: Ten Reasons EDM Is the Wimpiest Youth Culture Movement Ever

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Liz Tracy has written for publications such as the New York Times, the Atlantic, Refinery29, W, Glamour, and, of course, Miami New Times. She was New Times Broward-Palm Beach's music editor for three years. Now she plays one mean monster with her 2-year-old son and obsessively watches British mysteries.
Contact: Liz Tracy