Fiscal cliff, shmimal shmilff. You're a baller. You aren't worried that your stock portfolio will be worthless on January 1, 2013. That's why come December 31, you can afford to be irresponsible with your money.
And there is no better city to be financially irresponsible than Miami. This is a city where you'll get a loan for a luxury condominium despite not having any tangible assets. (Real estate bubble burst 2016, here we come!)
Only one city will offer you New Year's Eve packages so incredibly expensive that you'll have Eastern European
B-girls women throwing themselves at you all night long. So go on, player, live irresponsibly on December 31. Your child's private school tuition can wait.
Here are the 12 most expensive New Year's Eve packages out there. Tip is not included. But you already knew that.
12. Shwayze at the Shelborne - $2,500
If you're rich but your trust fund is running a little low -- grandma and grandpa are so uncool -- you can score the best poolside spot to watch Shwayze perform live at the Shelborne. The $2,500 includes a private VIP cabana for 10, five bottles of vodka, and six bottles of champagne. It doesn't say what kind of vodka or champagne, but for the $2,500 it ain't going to be Dom Perignon.
11. Santigold at the Delano - $3,500
We remember seeing Santigold (back when she was called Santogold) at PS14 for $5. But a girl's got to eat these days. And for $3,500 you'll get poolside cabana in a "prime location," which hopefully means you can see the sweat on Santigold's brow as she sings through "Creator." Eight of your friends can join you in sharing in one bottle of champagne and one bottle Grey Goose -- yea, that's it.
10. Doug E Fresh and Slick Rick at Shore Club - $5,000
Delano's sister hotel also wants to take part in the fun. So if you want to check out hip hop royalty ring in 2013 at the Shore Club, $5,000 will get you the best poolside bed that you can share with 12 people. You'll also get three bottles of Grey Goose and three bottles of Veuve Clicquot -- Yellow Label. How pedestrian.
9. Alesso at WET W South Beach - $15,696
Now it's time to check if you've got enough on the AmEx credit line, because if you want to party with Swedish DJ Alesso the right way, you'll have to fork over $15,696 for the poolside stage table. Ten of you and your friends will enjoy four bottles each of champagne and vodka.
8. Calvin Harris at LIV - $18,000
We got to say, we are sort of disappointed with LIV. If there is one nightclub the personifies Miami excess, it's LIV. The fact that it's ranked so low on this list is unacceptable. So what's the "deal" at the Fontainebleau hotspot? Well, for $15,000 you can get a table right in front on the stage as Calvin Harris DJs, but $18,000 will get you the Magnum Sky Suite. Having been to LIV, we've got to say, being in front of the stage sort of trumps the sky suites -- but if privacy is of concern, we guess it's worth the price. What does $18,000 get you? Admission for 18 people, one magnum bottle of Belvedere and and three bottles of Dom Perignon Luminous -- now that's more like it.
7. Nervo at the James Palm Royal - $20,000
Now, before you balk at the $20,000 price tag to catch Aussie DJ duo Nervo, that gets 75 people in. Yes, 75 people! When you calculate that it comes out to about $267 a person. Not bad! There is also a four-hour premium open bar from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m., so you technically don't have to buy any bottles if you don't want to; just bring a lot of singles to tip the bartenders. But if you do want bottle service, the Private Rum Bar Room package includes a staffed private room. However, if sharing a room with 75 people is too much, the true VIP package is $15,000 and includes VIP access for 30 guests and seven bottles each of Belvedere and Moët champagne.
6. Carl Cox at Mansion - $20,000
House legend Carl Cox should be reason enough to want to go to Mansion for NYE -- and they've promised they won't kick non-mainstream DJs out of the booth anymore. So if you want to celebrate the Opium Group turning a new leaf, for $20,000 50 friends can party on stage along with Cox with five bottles of Grey Goose and ten of Moët. Oh, but we have some bad news: someone already bought this package -- the only one on our list that's unavailable.
5. Drake at the Fontainebleau - $25,000
Lady Gaga and Tiësto have helped the Fontainebleau ring the new year in the past. This year, it's Drake ... Wheelchair Jimmy, people! He's making news these days laying claim to the acronym YOLO, but you can have your own YOLO experience for $25,000 for a side stage table. Thirty people will share five magnum bottles of Grey Goose, two bottles of Corzo tequila, and two magnum bottles of Dom Perignon Luminous.
4. Saint-Tropez NYE at SET - $30,000
SET is teaming up with Parisian nightclub VIP Room, to offer a Saint-Tropez style NYE. What's a Saint-Tropez style NYE, you ask? Oh, you plebeian fool, it's just the most marvelous experience ever. The $30,000 Winner's Circle VIP Package includes transportation to and from the venue (forget calling AAA for a courtesy tow!), exclusive access to the Private Trophy room overlooking the main dance floor for you and 30 of your friends, ten magnum bottles of Dom Perignon, five magnum bottles of Belvedere, and three bottles of Patron.
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3. Wally Lopez at Bamboo - $39,000
The often forgotten South Beach nightclub Bamboo is finally making waves this New Year's Eve by booking Spanish house DJ Wally Lopez. Normally, you can catch him at places like Space, but this is NYE in Miami. So for $39,000 50 people can party on the stage along with four magnum bottles of Grey Goose and four magnum bottles of Perrier-Jouët Blanc De Blanc.
2. Kaskade at Story - $100,000
Yes, you read that right -- $100,000. You can (sort of) buy a house for that price. But you don't care, because true ballers don't worry about the price tag. Put your hater blockers on (also know as sunglasses, but please know Crossfade does not condone the use of sunglasses at night), because people will be throwing plenty shade your way as you and 50 of your friends party beside Kaskade with eight bottles of premium vodka and 12 magnum bottles of Dom Perignon Luminous.
1. Future at Cameo - $100,000
Sorry, Story. But Cameo wins the NYE game again. Last year, the Opium Group nightclub offered a $500,000 package to hang with Rick Ross. This year, the price is a bit more "affordable." For $100,000 to party with Atlanta rapper Future. The price includes recording studio meet-and-greet for five people, admission to the party for 50 people, ten bottles of Belvedere, 50 (yes, 50!) bottles of Moët Rose champagne, five bottles of Hennessy VS, and ten bottles of Patron. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you do NYE in Miami properly. Savings account be damned!