Miley Cyrus and Morrissey are basically the same person. One is a lyrical genius shrouded in sexual mystery who speaks on behalf of intellectualism, animal rights, and sordid youths, defying borders and generations. The other is famous for a butt that resembles uncooked turkeys, being naked, and sticking her tongue out.
When Morrissey was 23, he was "celibate." When Miley puts on a Michael Jordan jersey, she's rumored to have sex with Mike Will Made It. They both have signature hair styles. They both have rabid fan bases. They both love to annoy the opposition.
The likeness is striking. And now they both given it their all on stage, singing "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out."
Yes, it seems at her recent Belfast performance, Ms. Cyrus broke out the post-punk tearjerker while caught in a battle against her unruly hoodie. Why the hoodie wouldn't sit where it's supposed to, we don't know, but maybe it's because Cyrus is so unlovable it hurts. Let's take a deeper look.
0:00 - 0:35
This is a pretty rough start. Is she trying to use her Morrissey voice? Is that why she's mumbling? Sorry, but Morrissey doesn't mumble, bb. He simply moans with exquisite sadness and beauty. We don't quite understand why Miley has another flannel jacket if she doesn't even want to properly wear the hoodie, but we are not ones to judge.
0:36 - 1:00
Miley be like, "Fuck this flannel! Where is my cell phone?" Covering the Smiths at your Belfast gig is a pretty big deal. She has got to get this shit on video for Instagram later. Maybe she would do a better job singing along if she wasn't trying to capture the perfect #selfie. But really, does it even matter? The only thing that could save this moment is if it's not her phone and it's a fan's. That would actually be awesome.
1:00 - 1:44
Miley finds her vocal rhythm, or at least sounds better over the shitty phone quality of this recording. It's a strong finish, and we're happy to hear Miley Cyrus fans know the lyrics, or at least, that one girl screaming them somewhere in the background does. And for the big finish, Miley finally grabs the perfect #selfie vid for her followers to double-tap later.
Sadly, the supposedly fake Twitter account @ItsMorrissey has been deleted, so we don't know what the Moz thinks of this genre-bending cover. We're sure that he's ambivalently horrified or listlessly pleased.
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More than anything, he might just be annoyed that anybody brought up the Smiths. But as Miley will soon come to realize, the past is a ghost that haunts you until the day you die, so let's all pray for a ten-ton truck.
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Follow Kat Bein on Twitter @KatSaysKill.