Feeling like a big, fat stuffed bird? About to explode with cranberry sauce? Having way more pumpkin pie than you can handle? All that, and it's not even Thanksgiving yet?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you're suffering (or shortly will be) from what's been called a post-Turkey Day food coma.
No need to panic, though. As your certified party physicians, we here at Crossfade come prepared with several highly effective remedies, all proven to make you shake that booty and burn away that holiday chub.
Just check out Miami's best Thanksgiving 2014 parties.
See also: Five Reasons Miami Music Fans Should Be Thankful
Social Skills Thanksgiving Special. With Danyelino, Hardline, Ms. Mada, and ThunderPony. Thursday, November 27, 11 p.m. Trade, 1439 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; trademia.com. Admission is free. Ages 21 and up. When you're surrounded by tired and gassy family members, things can get pretty awkward at the dinner table, especially if the last slice of sweet potato pie has just been served. That's when you know it's time to head over to South Beach and brush up on those Social Skills with the Link Miami Rebels.
See also: New Times' Concert Calendar
Donotsitgiving. With Diego Teran D, Puma Soul, and Harry Andrw. Thursday, November 27, 11 p.m. Do Not Sit on the Furniture, 423 16th St., Miami Beach; 510-550-5067; facebook.com/DoNotSit. Admission is free before 1 a.m. Ages 21 and up. There are several don'ts when it comes to Thanksgiving. Don't chug too many pumpkin ales before heading over to your in-laws. Don't mention your aunt's affair with her gym instructor. Don't talk about Obamacare with your grandfather. And don't sit on the furniture. Leave that to the party animals at this SoBe party spot.
See also: South Beach's Ten Best Dance Clubs
Friendsgiving. With the State Of, Afrobeta, Phaxas, Cog Nomen, and Bonnie Riot, plus DJs Heather Holiday and Dane. Saturday, November 29, 9 p.m. Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com. Admission costs $5. Ages 18 and up. A real pal will never let you drink too many Shipyard Pumpkinheads... alone. Celebrate the beauty of pure, unadulterated friendship with indie-pop duo the State Of, electro-dance outfit Afrobeta, and the rest of your buddies at Churchill's.
See also: Miami's Five Best Music Venues for Local Acts
Thanksgiving at the Pickle. With YOS, m.O.N.R.O.E., Ben Finx, and Guys on the Couch, Digital Rebels, and Snay in the downstairs #Snaylounge. Saturday, November 29, 10 p.m. Electric Pickle, 2826 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-456-5613; electricpicklemiami.com. Admission costs $5 before 1 a.m. Ages 21 and up. Pickles and Thanksgiving aren't a perfect pair. Unless we're talkin' about Wynwood's first nightclub and its Turkey Day-inspired bash. Who knows? Maybe this Thanksgiving weekend at the Electric Pickle will be the start of a whole new holiday tradition.
See also: Downtown Miami's Five Best Dance Clubs
Floyd Mayweather. Saturday, November 29, 10 p.m. King of Diamonds, 17800 NE 5th Ave. Miami; 305-999-9500; kodmia.com. Tickets cost $50 to $250 plus fees via eventbrite.com. Ages 21 and up. How does the world's undefeated welterweight champ, best pound-for-pound boxer, and highest paid athlete celebrate Thanksgiving? By getting shwasted in the Magic City and making it rain $100,000 on stripper booties at KOD.
See also: Floyd Mayweather at King of Diamonds Miami: Strippers and "$10K Stacks of $100 Bills"
Wisdom of the Glove. With Guy Gerber, Cajmere, and Lauren Lane. Saturday, November 29, 11 p.m. Story, 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-538-2424; storymiami.com. Tickets cost $30 to $40 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Ditch the pilgrim hat for gloves! Then head over to Story and immerse yourself in Guy Gerber's savvy dance tuneage. If you listen close enough, you might even be inspired to make like a wise man and let next year's gobbler run free to do the turkey shuffle till the end of its featherbrained days. Even big, fat birds wanna party.
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