Marc Anthony at American Airlines Arena September 16

Following his nasty, shocking split from America's favorite Latina ice queen, salsa-pop singer and semiserious actor Marc Anthony has been in the news a lot. Of course, when we say he has been in the news, we mean his bony face has been splashed all over tabloid rags, celebrity gossip websites, and supposedly reputable entertainment mags, alongside embarrassing headlines like "Marc Anthony 'Begging' Jennifer Lopez 'to Take Him Back.'"

Yes, unfortunately, the focus of all this recent attention has been Anthony's alleged crying over getting dumped by J.Lo. Or, well, supposedly making other famous guys cry — i.e., former Fresh Prince and A-list movie star Will Smith — by sleeping with their wives.

Indeed, everyone has heard the stupid, old proverb that says, "Any press is good press." But that's bullcrap. It takes no more than a hot minute, especially in the age of the Internet, for a legit entertainer (Michael Jackson, Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, etc.) to become a permanent pop-gossip punch line.

So New Times really would like to know: When will Marc Anthony sing again? The answer: This Friday and Saturday at the American Airlines Arena. It's gonna be a two-night stand. And though it's unlikely he'll end up crying or sleeping with anyone's wife, we suggest you bring a fresh box of Kleenex and keep a close eye on your lady.

After all, with Anthony crooning his way through weepy songs about love, betrayal, and other tabloid-worthy drama, it's not entirely out of the question that you could return from a too-long trip to the AAA's concession stand to find ol' Skeletor shedding tears all over your significant other.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
S. Pajot