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Kanye West and Kim Kardashian Raising Baby in Miami?! Seven Predictions

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Infancy: Jr Showers in Violetas

If you've been in Miami long enough to meet a Cuban baby, you know full well that they smell like the finest perfume not-a-lot-of-money can buy.

Popular amongst everyone, Corlys' Violetas is the liquid gold standard of nostalgia, a scented stamp-of-approval that reminds everyone, this baby's from Miami.

Age Three: Jr. Learns to Swim... In the Everglades

Sure, it's dangerous. There're a ton of alligators and a bunch of invasive pythons ready to swallow a child whole. But the Everglades are disappearing.

If Yeezy and Kim want to teach their child about the environment, there're few better places than the 'Glades.

Age Seven: Slaughters a Pig with Family for Noche Buena

Nothing screams "Holiday Spirit" louder than a 60-pound pig in Hialeah squealing in misery. And every little boy and girl, regardless of what they celebrate, should experience it at least once.

Yeah, there's a chance Jr. may never eat meat again or find the appeal of bacon everything. But so what? At least he'll always have that memory of Mom and Dad going "cray" on that swine.

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Victor Gonzalez
Contact: Victor Gonzalez