Holy Ship!! Survival Guide: From Condoms to Shades

Page 2 of 3

1. Leave the Internet at Home

We're going to be on a 3,000-person boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. And the Internet service sucks. So yeah, you could spend money on some kind of transmission device to ruin your vacation by keeping up on useless social media and work emails. Or you could go balls deep into pre-'90s-esque freedom from the web. Don't worry, when we get back to South Florida's shores, you can spend the ride home Instagram-ing everything you did. The online world can wait.

2. Bring a Sharpie and Clear Nail Polish

This goes for guys too. And no, we don't want you to try to do your nails while the boat's a-rockin'. The thing is all these amazing artists are going on this crazy nautical journey with us. At any moment, you might run into a famous DJ. Then you'll have them sign your shoe, your cell phone, or your portable cigarette case. And you're going to have to seal the autograph, pronto. Thus, clear nail polish. You're welcome.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Kat Bein is a freelance writer and has been described as this publication’s "senior millennial correspondent." She has an impressive, if unhealthy, knowledge of all things pop culture.