A conundrum: What kind of sound would a morbidly obese, four-titted, screaming Cyclops make while being probed by multicolored psychic lamprey? Hmm ... That's a mind-bender so deep and twisty it could put you into a permanent coma, turning certain centers of your brain into scorched-out pudding.
Thankfully, the New Times just got a tip that three sludge-y monsters of precisely that description will be slithering into Sweat Records a couple of Saturdays from now.
First up, there's Miami offspring Green Sky, a many-boobed beast prone to prolonged moments of dirge-y southern swampiness. Next, you've got serpentine Orlando screecher Bad Actor, travelling through the man-made shit canals of Central Florida for this aural orgy. And last, Nebraska Sun and the Mexican Rebel, a crossbreed who claims to be "heavier than the cock of god."
So, be there May 22, 'cause it'll probably be another millennium before you get the chance to actually hear a one-eyed freak having its soul assaulted by metaphysical serpents.
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Saturday, May 22. Sweat Records, 5505 NE 2nd Ave., Miami. The screaming starts at 9 p.m., and admission costs $3. 786-693-9309; sweatrecordsmiami.com.