Five Worst Things About Clubbing in Miami

Welcome to Miami, where anything and everything becomes an excuse to party.

We 305ers are creatures of the night by nature. There's no denying it. Any day of the week, no matter what time, something is popping off in this beautiful city of ours. That's why people from all over the world come dance at our nightclubs and get drunk on our beaches.

So why is it that native Miamians often end up wishing they'd just stayed home watching Netflix and eating pizza? 

Here are the five worst things about going out in Miami.

See also: Eight Signs You're Not VIP

Getting Around

It's no secret that Miami's public transportation (and cab situation) sucks. Big time. That's why we always need a designated driver. And driving your drunken friends from spot to spot isn't anyone's idea of a fun night. Not to mention that, even without traffic, it takes at least 20 minutes to get anywhere in Miami. Oh, you're bar hopping in Coconut Grove and your friends just hit you up about some party in South Beach? Ready for a road trip?

See also: The Six People You Meet on South Beach

Drink Prices

We get it. We're in Miami. The nights are warmer, the music is louder, and the drinks are expensive. But it's not just the bottles of champagne and vodka that are ridiculously overpriced simply for the sake of giving rappers something to spend their money on. No, we're talking about regular drinks too. You know that $10 beer you're sipping on there ... You coulda bought at least a six-pack for what it's worth. Remember, Miami, if you're balling on a budget, make sure to pre-game.


Alright, cool. You've got your designated driver and you've figured out where to go for the night. But then you get there and your friend can't find a spot to park the effing car. Meter cops and tow trucks lurk in the shadow waiting to pounce on unsuspecting vehicles, and sketchy lots charge absurdly high prices for just a few hours. Yes, Miami Beach is the worst, but downtown can be just as bad and it seems even Wynwood is about to start cracking down.

See also: Six Reasons to Never Have Sex With a DJ


We wish we were exaggerating ... But you're pretty much guaranteed to see a fight anytime you go out in the 305. People are always getting kicked out of clubs and there's usually a few scraps breaking out in the streets. Miami bros like to show off. (FYI, the louder they yell, and the more they wave their arms, the tougher they are.) And let's not be sexist, because Miami girls know how to throw down too. They can yell and wave their arms better than anyone else. The worst part is these fights usually end up escalating until more and more people are involved. A guy literally got shot and killed at Mansion not too long ago. What the hell, man? We're not looking for trouble. We just want to dance.

The People

Don't get us wrong. We're not trying to hate. Miami has got some amazing and beautiful people. There are talented artists, successful entrepreneurs, striving athletes, dedicated students. We've got it all. But the 305 is also all about the clique mentality. Try going out in Miami without knowing anyone. We're not saying you won't meet nice people, but most Miamians shut themselves off to anyone new. There's no such thing as friendly conversation with a stranger. And it's really annoying not knowing whether the person you're talking with used a fake ID to get in. What happens when you find out that girl you bought a drink for, or that guy you shared a dance with is still in high school? 

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