Can you believe these extremely irresponsible music fans (read: hippies!) who think it's "radically groovy, man" to buy reduced-price tickets to some floating freak fiesta (say, the Jam Cruise on January 9), stuff their luggage full of dangerous drugs (e.g. marijuana) instead of extra underwear (uh, gross), and then proceed to unabashedly trip out upon the high seas like Poseidon freebasing conch shells?

Well, friends, here's the truth: Narcotics are no fun. Even less fun than hippie music.