Fashion

Fashion Freakouts From Fourth of July 2014 on South Beach

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See, these guys get it. We just want to wave our expensive bottles in the air while showing an obnoxious amount of national pride, and we also want to be ready to knock you the fuck out, should you get the idea that America isn't about being as obnoxious as possible. Shut the fuck up. It is.

Any red-blooded American has one thing on their mind: going home with some ass. Actually, if it's a party, we're not really into waiting. This is America. Our national dances are pretty much just grinding body parts onto someone else's naughty bits. Just make sure you use protection.

See also: The Six People You Meet on South Beach

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Kat Bein is a freelance writer and has been described as this publication’s "senior millennial correspondent." She has an impressive, if unhealthy, knowledge of all things pop culture.