Fashion Freakouts at Ultra Music Festival 2013

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The world is changing. Our society is progressing whether the Tea Party wants it or not. These days, it isn't just girls who get to walk around nearly naked at music festivals. We saw more protruding balls and stiffening shafts this UMF than ever before. Keep going, you brave soldiers of the social standard. Don't stop until you get that ass tan.

Going for the sensible yet sexy look? Want to show some skin without burning to a crisp? A fashionable parasol will do the trick! You can look stunning, cultured, and even-toned at the same damned time, just like these lovely ladies.

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Kat Bein is a freelance writer and has been described as this publication’s "senior millennial correspondent." She has an impressive, if unhealthy, knowledge of all things pop culture.