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Bieber's "How To Love" Cover: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown of the Corniest Track Ever

Just when you thought "How To Love" -- Lil Wayne's big nasty ball o' cheese ballad and lead single from his dismal Tha Carter IV -- couldn't get any worse ....

Tween-pop sensation and women's jeans fanatic Justin Bieber has recorded his own remix of Weezy's corniest track ever.

The cover is a fitting adaptation of the song's mall- and elevator-friendly aesthetic and we wonder what impact it will have on Lil Wanye's ever-accelerating transformation into a one-man boy band.

If anything, Crossfade knew from the Biebz's first squeak that this match-made-in-heaven warranted an extremely detailed breakdown.

0:00-0:06

One magical byproduct of remixing is the listener's initial WTF when a song they know starts wilin' out with verses and variations previously unheard. In this case, though, WTF takes on a whole new stratusphere of meaning, as the horror of Lil' Wayne's grade-A weenie opus reaches its teleological conclusion as a Justin Bieber single.

0:15-0:26

Two notes on the Biebz's vocal chops: (1) Little man can clearly sing; and (2) So why bother with the reverb? Is indie rock's greatest 21st-century indulgence (fuzz vox) trickling up to the pop heights of the Bieb-o-sphere? Crossfade would have liked to have seen Señor Bieber pull out his best-slash-worst Weezy impression. We bet it would have been better than Anne Hathaway's.

0:43

"...now you're growing up so fly..." Hearing Herr Biebz sing-rap this lyric makes us feel like we live in a world where every night the Hanson Brothers assemble a cult of androgynous tweens to desecrate the graves of dead rappers. In other news, both Lil' Wayne and Justin Bieber each made 100 bazillion dollars in the time it took to type this paragraph.

1:15-1:22

JBiebz rapping about "growing old together" is ridic. P.S. Justin Bieber's rapping persona is named Shawty Mane.

1:34

When Bieber hits his child-star-out-of-control phase (sometime shortly after puberty but before he's old enough to rent a car), we'll point to the Weezy-esque snicker he sneaks in here as an early indicator that the pop sensation may have been already hitting the sizzurp.

2:40

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  • Monday, Jan. 20, 2020 / 6:30pm @ Culture Room 3045 N Federal Hwy Fort Lauderdale FL 33306
    3045 N Federal Hwy, Fort Lauderdale FL 33306

  • Tuesday, Jan. 21, 2020 / 7:30pm @ Amaturo Theater at Broward Ctr For The Perf Arts 201 Sw 5th Avenue Fort Lauderdale FL 33312
    201 Sw 5th Avenue, Fort Lauderdale FL 33312

  • Tuesday, Jan. 21, 2020 / 8:00pm @ King Center For The Performing Arts 3865 N Wickham Road Melbourne FL 32935
    3865 N Wickham Road, Melbourne FL 32935

This highly appropriate cover of Lil Wayne's worst single ever hits its highest-slash-lowest point with an incredible and confusing vocal display that somehow simultaneously recalls Weezy, Bieber, and James Blunt.

3:37 - 4:01

Bieber scats his way out of the song like Dave Matthews if he were a billionaire teenager. The engineer knows damn well to fade the fuck out.

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