Plus, you don't care about New Times' advice. You'll vote how you'll vote anyway. We know you.
But although we're not in the business of telling you whom to vote for, we're quite happy to tell you whom to avoid on Election Day. For every well-meaning candidate for the Florida Legislature, there's a Daphne Campbell, who's been embroiled in a whole host of scandals over the years. Ditto David Rivera, who even the Florida State Fraternal Order of Police unendorsed this year.
So before you pull the lever (or, more accurate, fill in some circles with a pen), make sure you're not lining up to support these five Florida-specific candidates:
1. Marco Rubio
Do we even have to explain this one anymore? The people who know him describe him as a craven, ambition-obsessed phony. He refuses to rescind his endorsement of Donald Trump, has flip-flopped on basically every major issue in his career, and has said he doesn't enjoy being in the Senate. He's running for reelection anyway.
2. Daphne Campbell
Democrat Daphne Campbell somehow won the primary for State Senate District 38 despite having a history of shady business deals, a son who's been charged with Medicare fraud, a secretary arrested for fraud, and at least ten foreclosures filed against her properties. When we called Campbell about those foreclosures, she pretended we had the wrong number. She now wants a promotion.