Local Music

It's Time to Take Away Trick Daddy's Cell Phone

It's official: Trick Daddy is bad at social media. Like, really bad. Trick Daddy makes your racist aunt look like Mark Zuckerberg. Trick Daddy's so bad at social media even Tom wouldn't be his friend on MySpace. If you hired him to run your company's Facebook page, your business would be bankrupt by lunchtime.

Trick Daddy is basically the opposite of DJ Khaled.

In case you haven't been paying attention, technology has not been Trick's friend this year.

Remember last June, when he had an aneurysm on Facebook live, making violent threats to an anonymous woman, threatening to "pull your lace wig off and drag your raggedy ass, bitch"? He even spit on his phone like a cobra. The whole thing was creepy.

(Almost as creepy as when he performed at Churchill's last June and told the crowd, "A thousand dollars for the first lady who comes on stage with a yeast infection and can prove it.")

And now Trick is in hot water again thanks to his smartphone. A recent Instagram video of his has gone viral, making its way to Vibe, BET, Essence, and more. In the video — which Trick appears to have filmed himself, while driving — he lays out some nonsensical, sexist, and racist logic that I'm honestly still not quite sure what to make of. The only thing his rant has definitely managed to accomplish is pissing people off, especially black women, who are the target of his moronic PSA.

It's instances like these that make one thing clear: We've got to confiscate Trick Daddy's phone. It just needs to happen. Trick Daddy is 43 now, and if the part of his brain that's in charge of deciding what is and isn't appropriate to broadcast to his 327,000 Instagram followers hasn't developed yet, well, it's not going to. We're watching a Miami legend crumble before our very eyes — all because of an Instagram account (which is very weird, by the way, and boasts nuggets of wisdom, like, "If you don't believe in Oral Sex keep you [sic] mouth shut," alongside videos of pickles).

So, citizens of Miami, if you see Trick Daddy in the street with his cellphone pointed at his face, quietly walk up to him and see if you can gently replace his iPhone with a Jitterbug or a bagel or something — whatever it takes, just get that goddamn phone out of his hand. You might get the shit beat out of you, but you might also save a Miami hip-hop icon from his worst enemy: himself.