If you know even the slightest amount of Spanish, it is impossible for Cinco de Mayo to sneak up on you. Unlike Thanksgiving, Easter, and St. Patrick's Day, the holiday's date is right in the name, and that date is drawing ever so closer.
Cinco de Mayo, which commemorates an underdog Mexican army's victory over the French forces in 1862, has taken on a life of its own in America. In Los Estados Unidos, the holiday has become a largely offensive celebration of fake mustaches, massive sombreros, tequila, and this country's ability to turn anything into an excuse to drink. Though you're on your own to find an honest mustache and sombrero, New Times would like to help you with the partying. Here are ten places in Miami where you can get your Cinco de Mayo party on.
10. Nacho Ordinary Fiestaval. With Spam Allstars, Ketchy Shuby, Problem Kids, and others. 4 p.m. Thursday, May 5, at Blackbird Ordinary, 729 SW First Ave., Miami; 305-671-3307; blackbirdordinary.com. Admission is free.
From 4 p.m. to 5 a.m., Brickell hot spot Blackbird Ordinary will close down the street to throw a free Cinco de Mayo block party with the puntastic name "Nacho Ordinary Fiestaval." The shindig will feature an eclectic and fantastic night of local live music. And though neither the Afro-Cuban fusion of Spam Allstars, the retro funk of Ketchy Shuby, nor the hip-hop of Problem Kids qualifies as so-called Mexican music, Blackbird promises an appearance by a mariachi band to keep things somewhat traditional.
Wynwood's favorite taqueria will host its own block party this Cinco. For a $10 charge for adults (and $5 for kids), you can witness the art of Mexican wrestling, where masked men known as luchadores battle in ways that make the WWE look subtle and understated. Matches will be held on the back patio every 30 minutes, and music will be provided by mariachi bands and a medley of DJs. Expect $5 specials all night on margaritas, beer, tacos, and ceviche.
8. Cinco de Mayo Brickell. 5:30 p.m. Thursday, May 5, at Mary Brickell Village, 901 S. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-381-6130; marybrickellvillage.com. Tickets cost $10 to $29 via cincodemayobrickell.com.
The people behind Grovetoberfest and Wynwood Art Walk annually throw Miami's most populated Cinco de Mayo party at Mary Brickell Village, where flocks of people dance and frolic from 5:30 in the afternoon till 3 in the morning. Admission for this 21-and-over event costs $10 at the gate, or spend $29 and get a fiesta party pack that includes admission, a 22-ounce beer with a souvenir cup, and essential party favors like sombreros and mustaches.
7. Cinco de Mayo Wynwood. With Elastic Bond and others. 6 p.m. Thursday, May 5, at Cafeina Wynwood Lounge, 297 NW 23rd St., Miami; 305-438-0792; cafeinamiami.com. Admission is free.
The artsy hangout hidden on the side streets of Wynwood will host its seventh-annual Cinco de Mayo party, once again with no cover charge. Live music will be provided by the Latin hip-hop of Elastic Bond and the world music of Uma Galera; DJ Self Born will control the soundtrack in between. Drink specials are sponsored by Corona and Casa Noble tequila. Doors open at 5 p.m.
6. Churchill's Cinco de Mayo Fiesta. With Bent Shapes, Xela Zaid, and others. 9 p.m. Thursday, May 5, at Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com. Admission is $5.
The least traditional Cinco de Mayo bash on this list will go down in the dark confines of Churchill's, which is promoting the event with a Photoshopped picture of the pub's namesake wearing a giant sombrero. The 18-and-over event will offer a smorgasbord of live music headlined by local psychedelic rockers Dyslexic Postcards. Also on the bill is punk-metal band McFisty, one-man band Lone Wolf, and Xela Zaid. Doors open at 8 p.m.; showtime is 9.