Buzzkill Carnival Cruise Lines Bans Bottles to Cut Down on Booze Smuggling

Carnival Cruise Lines is sick of its passengers getting too turnt on smuggled booze, so the Miami-based company has banned passengers from bringing all bottled beverages aboard because it knows you're smuggling booze in them.

The company introduced the new policy yesterday in an FAQ, giving the following reasons:
Bottled beverages are the most common means by which guests attempt to smuggle alcohol on board which necessitates that bottles be individually examined by security personnel. This bogs down the embarkation process and requires security resources dedicated to checking bottled beverages. Most importantly, when behavioral issues occur on board and are ultimately investigated, smuggled alcohol often appears to be a factor. We sincerely apologize for any disappointment these changes may cause. However, we firmly believe these changes will ultimately benefit all guests.
Now guests will be able to bring only 12 nonalcoholic canned beverages per person. The cruise line will also allow passengers to preorder 12 packs of bottled water directly from it for $2.99, or $4.99 once you're on the ship. It also allows each guest to bring one bottle of wine or champagne aboard to drink in one's own cabin, but there's a $15 corkage fee. 

The new policy will take effect July 9, 2015. 

You sneaky alcoholics are already thinking, But what about my mouthwash bottle? Well, the cruise line already has a policy of seizing unsealed or otherwise suspicious-looking mouthwash bottles. Assumedly, the ban on beverage bottles will also free up time for cruise security to check out other bottles that may contain booze. 

If you already have a trip booked aboard a Carnival ship but are suddenly outraged that you won't be able to sneak vodka aboard in a Zephyrhills bottle, the cruise line is allowing people to cancel their trips before June 16, 2015.

Of course, guests can buy alcohol from the ship's bars and restaurants. You're also free to drink at ports of call; however, you're not allowed to take that booze back on board with you.

If you really are extremely concerned about the new policies, we suggest two possible cruise alternatives: (1) a hotel room where you're free to take whatever beverages you please inside or (2) rehab.