Food News

Castro Eats Hot Pockets

Funny things happen when you set three alarms at two minute intervals on your cellphone and you snooze each one. High velocity REM sleep dreams.

Two days in a row I dreamt I called Castro's office to interview him for Short Order.

This morning I got through to his secretary. I thought she was an answering machine at first, but then she started responding to the message I was leaving ("Hola, habla Jake de Miami New Times calling to see if I can speak to Castro....).

"Halo, si? Castro no esta en la oficina ahora. Can I help you?"

I took the opportunity to ask her about Fidel Castro's eating habits. I wasn't nervous, but I was unprepared, so the first thing that came to mind was Hot Pockets.

"Does Castro eat Hot Pockets?" I asked. Somehow the call got conferenced to another secratary, so now I had his two main office help on the line, both women, one with curly hair. I could see em talking on an old rotary telephone each. The kind with a yellowish handset.

"Hod Pockes, que'seso?" (dreaming in Cuban translation: Hot Pockets, what's that?)
"Tu sabes. Con the pepe-roni." I replied (I pronounced pepperoni like pepe roni)
"Ay si, he love those," they answered in unison.
"Oh cool, does he drink coke?"
"Yeah he like coke, but he drink more juice."
"What about watermelon?"

Then I woke up and forgot the other great questions and answers I got out of the interview, although they hinted he was up in the mountains spending his last living moments on earth. One thing is certain though, Castro loves hot pockets.

I read somewhere that Castro spends a lot of time on the Internet and he has google alerts set for every time his name is mentioned in the media, So Castro, if you're reading this, leave a comment dude, the people wanna know what you're eating.