Tony Sparano Employable After All, Hired By the New York Jets As Offensive Coordinator

Despite being canned after the Dolphins fell to a miserable 4-9 record in December, former head coach Tony Sparano is once again employed in the National Football League.

No, it's not selling concessions like we speculated on our cover two weeks ago -- it's even worse. He's with the Jets. Sparano, who went 29-32 in almost four seasons in Miami, will replace Brian Schottenheimer as the team's offensive coordinator next season, according to a statement on the Jets website.

It wasn't a surprise when Schottenheimer "resigned" last night -- ESPN reports it may not really have been his decision to leave, on account of head coach Rex Ryan not being very happy that his team shit the bed at the end of the season, getting outscored 93-50 in three straight losses. There are an awful lot of unknowns going into Drive-Thru Tony's first-ever stint as an offensive coordinator, but if he manages to put together a game in which Mark Sanchez has less than 29 incomplete passes he'll look like a genius by comparison. We'll see if he's still wearing the padded headset when he swings through town next season.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.