The Dalai Lama Ruined My Aerobics Schedule

Yesterday the Dalai Lama-- the Bono of Tibet-- went to a private reception at the Blue and Green Diamond condo towers in Miami Beach. A resident there called us to complain that the security protocol surrounding one of the most revered figures on the globe caused some of the building's luxury amenities to temporarily close or change schedules.

We wanted to get her on the record so we could properly mock her, but alas, she refused to give her name. So we'll just have to post this memo detailing the interruptions in the building.

The swimming pool is closed for seven hours?! Third floor residents are required to use the first floor valet?! The "clubhouse" is closed for thirty agonizing hours?

How's a yuppie expected to survive amid such deprivation and chaos?

Dalai Lama ruined my aerobics schedule