Moon Over Miami

"You're tired!"

Why the urge to label everything? Why can a vacation no longer be just a vacation? Things are just getting silly.

Case in point: the vacation-moon phenomenon.

First we had the basic honeymoon. Fine.

But then some Hallmark brown-noser came up with anniversarymoons (repeat honeymoons). The divorcemoon was an inevitable knockoff (I'm going on holiday and I'm so glad you're not coming). Then former lovers began celebrating separately, with fun, sun and anyone-but-the-ex vacations (the Thank God We Didn't Get Married-moon). Then the all-time low: the familymoon (a post-second-wedding trip taken by blended families).

And not to be outdone, Donald Trump is touting babymoons.

Guests at his Trump International Sonesta Beach Resort in Sunny Isles (not the one on Key Biscayne, which is closed) expecting the imminent arrival of a small screaming person can get away one last time. Sonesta is offering "a getaway package which brings pampering and quality couple time to parents-to-be."

Yummy. And just what kind of pampering will $500 a night buy? A Tiffany teething ring and a promise to indulge the 24-hour cravings of pregnant guests? A nanny IOU offering free babysitting services one year later?

No. A massage.

Polite young reservation agent: "But it's a perfect package for a pregnant woman."


"Pregnant people like massages. And they get a free breakfast. Pregnant people are always hungry, too." -Joanne Green