Miami Wins, Jets Coach Intentionally Trips Dolphins Player

If you like low scoring games with shitloads of punting, dropped touchdown passes, coaches tripping players running down the sideline, corner backs with hands of stone, and really repulsive quarterback play, then Sunday's showdown between the Miami Dolphins and New York Jets was right up your alley!

The Dolphins pulled off the 10-6 victory over their bitter rival yesterday, extending their road record to 6-1, and their overall record against Rex Ryan's Jets to 3-1. The Dolphins played stellar defense against a reeling Jets offense, while the story of the game was a Jets assistant coach intentionally tripping Miami corner back Nolan Carroll during a punt. You stay classy, New York Jets!

Sean Smith dropped three potential interceptions (HANDS OF GRANITE!) while Chad Henne continued to proverbially crap his pants before our very eyes. But thanks to Mike Nolan's relentless defensive attack, the Dolphins were able to get their seventh win of the season, keeping their playoff hopes on life support. Miami capitalized on two Mark Sanchez turnovers, turning them into a Dan Carpenter 42-yard field goal and a six-yard touchdown strike to Brandon Marshall. In the end, Miami did just enough to pull off the win. Both team's offenses were atrocious. But, to the Dolphins' advantage, the Jets offense was the slightly more sucky of the two. And sometimes that's all you need.

The story of this game was Jets strength and conditioning coach Sal Alosi intentionally tripping Dolphins rookie corner Nolan Carroll as he ran down the sideline to cover a punt (video below). Carroll was injured on the play, but was able to return to action. After the game, Alosi admitted his transgression in a statement that read, "I made a mistake that showed a total lapse in judgment." Alosi also personally apologized to Carroll and Tony Sparano before the team left the stadium. The league is said to be looking into the matter.

For his part, Carroll put on his best Dalai Lama face and told reporters there were no hard feelings. His teammates however, took the opposite route. Namely, linebacker Channing Crowder, who was more Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction/Superfly TNT/Guns of the Navarone than Dalai Lama-ish.

"They're cheaters," Crowder told reporters. "They do what they do. They cheat. They talk junk. But we beat the hell out of them today."

He then added, "I wish they'd tripped me. I'd have broken that old man's leg. I didn't see anything. He stuck his leg out and tripped him? He should be ashamed of himself. A grown man from the coaching staff? That's high character."

And then finished off with, "To hell with them. I want to beat the shit out of them every time we play them. I totally disrespect everyone of them."

Sure he talks a lot. And his career has been mostly mediocre. And yes, he routinely jumps into a pile two seconds after the play is over. But Channing Crowder is beloved among fans simply by virtue of his hatred for the Jets. Crowder wins hearts and minds in Dolphins Nation when he says these kinds of things. His hatred for all things Jets is aligned with ours. Simply put, all levels of sucktitude are forgiven when you tell reporters that you don't respect any Jets player and want to proverbially fingerblast their entire franchise. Good honest hatred for the Jets is sometimes all we ask for. We're tough, but fair.

What Went Right: Cameron Wake continues to assault opposing NFL quarterbacks, and Mark Sanchez was just his latest victim. Wake crotch-clobbered Sanchez for two sacks, and now has 14 on the season. Meanwhile, the Dolphins were able to force three turnovers. The Dolphins D could have had even more turnovers had Sean Smith been able to haul in any of the four errant Sanchez passes that came his way. Bottom line: The Dolphins fourth-ranked defense is for real. Just don't ever hand any of them a bag of groceries with eggs in them.

What Went Wrong: Chad Henne finished the day 5-for-18 for 55 yards, one touchdown and a lost fumble. What a repugnant Robot.

Next Up: The Fins host the Bills. Miami is better on the road than at home. This could mean trouble. For now, we enjoy the always sweet sounds of Jets fans silence.